What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 03:14
I think the readers, may guess!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was 9 years of age.
What are some funny stories of people calling 911 for non-emergencies?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Would this be the day?
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At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
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Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
How do you know when someone really loves you?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I could never make a relationship work though!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
How is TikTok able to censor porn?
Ive learnt so much.
When she asked me how she looked .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
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They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
So whats the point in blame.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
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Another so called friend had bit the dust..
This is soul school!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
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I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She wouldn,t have been !
I was very sick at this time too.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I said to her
I waited trembling.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What did i know ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And i lived it daily.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We were not on the streets..
She found it foreign!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it wasn’t much.
But, we were locked up after school.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was scared of men, in general
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She loved him until the end.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My family never makes their pension either.
Comes on , in middle age.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She married twice! .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Put me off passion for life!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I will be 64.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My life is so biszare .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Especially a lifetime of it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
All the time i was locked up.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I don,t even have a pension.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He knew the spot.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
One cannot live in the past .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was in good health!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was seconnd youngest,
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Who then, do I blame.?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im still living with it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
So, i spoilt her more .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I have no regrets .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We all went to grammer schools
I write beautiful poetry .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
It was going to be , some day.
Why did i forgive my father ?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)